


Words Like Cosmic Dust

by CaesiumDressing



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Or at least not actively wrecking shit, Ren is the mature one, Right?, also unable to express himself emotionally, good enough, hux is a jerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 22:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7818874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaesiumDressing/pseuds/CaesiumDressing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren reports to Hux after a failed attack on an enemy base. Hux is not happy and blows up on Ren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Like Cosmic Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short thing I was inspired to write based on Pink's "Please Don't Leave Me".

Hux hefted Ren’s discarded helmet from his desk and threw it as hard as he could at the glass case that he kept his many awards in. The panes shattered with a mighty crash and spilled into a million pieces across the crimson carpet, glittering brilliantly like diamonds in the spotlights that had previously highlighted his now crushed marksmanship placard. Hux spun on his heel to face Ren.

 

“You worthless piece of garbage,” Hux hissed, his voice hoarse enough that he couldn’t muster the strength to scream anymore. “Your foolish desire to rush headlong into an enemy base without proper planning has lost hundreds of my men and cost us a great deal of our firepower.”

 

Ren stood silently, eyes downcast, shoulders hunched. He’d seen Hux like this before. There was nothing he could say to stop him at this point. Some of the fault did lie with him, but no matter how tight their plan had been they wouldn’t have been able to compensate for the increased forces of the Resistance. Their intelligence was old, the Resistance had somehow rallied more of the Galaxy against the First Order. What should have been the destruction of a tiny enemy base had turned into a slaughter of their own forces at the mouth of a fortress.

 

“And then, you come in here begging forgiveness, like I’ll simply melt when you drop that damned bucket and bow. You aren’t as good as you think you are and no matter how much power you think you have, you are still nothing. I don’t need you or your little magic tricks. You’re nothing but a burden.”

 

Ren kept his eyes on the floor, tears surging to fill them. Every time Hux blew up like this Ren knew he had to keep himself calm. Hux didn’t mean it, he truly didn’t. Ren was the only one who could ever see Hux like this, out of control and vicious. He wondered if he had always been this nasty or if it was something about Ren that drew it out of him. Maybe it had been all the destruction he’d caused before they’d discovered that they were madly in love. Maybe it was because Hux was in love that this madness had sunk itself into him. Either way, Ren tried his best to keep the tears back.

 

“I should throw you out of the airlock. At least seeing you boil from the inside out may bring me some pleasure.” Hux snarled, baring his teeth. “The stupid gaping face you’d make would make as you tried to scream in the endless vacuum of space would at least amuse me for a moment.”

 

Ren finally brought himself to look into Hux’s face. Hux’s eyes were wet, for all the venom in his words, his face was telling a very different story. Hux was scared. It was plainly written across his face, he was sure the Supreme Leader would kill him this time. No matter how much Ren assured Hux that he would never let that happen Ren knew Hux still thought he was constantly on the verge of being executed. Hux had nightmares often about Ren sneeringly shoving his lightsaber into his heart at the cold command of Snoke, and no matter how tightly Ren held Hux shaking in the dark telling him they were nightmares and not visions Hux had yet to believe him fully.

 

“Look at you and your wet eyes. I would almost think you were actually sorry.” Hux advanced on Ren, Ren stepping back until he was against the wall of Hux’s common area. “How dare you cry? You will get away with this like you always do. Every, single, time, and I will be left behind to pick up the pieces of my broken fleet. I’ll be left trying desperately to keep my dignity intact while I march, lockstep, to my own death with the dishonor of your failures draped across my shoulders.” A single tear shimmered in the corner of Hux’s eye and he quickly turned away before Ren saw it trail across his heated cheek. He began to retreat to his bedroom to climb under the covers and sob himself to sleep.

 

“Hux,” Ren said, reaching a hand out to rest on Hux’s shoulder before he got too far away. Hux spun on his heel and slapped Ren’s hand away, tears openly running down his face now. Ren refused to look away.

 

“Get away from me!” Hux snapped. “I don’t need you. You’re barely worthy of being part of the First Order, let alone the master of The Knights of Ren. You are nothing but a smuggler’s son. Get off my ship, Ben Solo.” Hux spun away and stormed into his bedroom, the door swiftly closing behind him.

 

That was what it always came to. Whenever Hux got like this he just dug in as deep as he could, twisting the knife to make sure he hurt Ren more than he was hurting. It was always calling Ren by his birth name, there was nothing that hurt him more. Ben Solo had been weak, and foolish, and never loved, and never worthy. Kylo Ren did feel worthy, he was powerful, he was clever, and Hux loved him. Hux ripped that away from him every time. In these moments Hux wanted to reduce Ren to what he felt he was, groveling and terrified, hated and worthless. It made Ren feel worse to know that Hux felt like that ever.

 

Ren slumped into the chair next to the shattered glass cabinet, dragging his boots through the broken glass. He stared down at the shards and noticed how they looked like tears against red skin.

 

* * *

 

Hux was shaking as he stripped his uniform from his body. Every nerve was on fire, and his heart felt like it was in pieces. He hadn’t meant to explode on Ren. He’d been relieved to hear that he wasn’t one of the casualties, he’d even planned to comfort him in his failure, but once Ren had walked in smelling of blood and smoke, looking like a wraith, every instinct told him to force Ren away. Nothing would ever make him stop reacting like he was a cornered prisoner when Ren came in looking like an executioner. He didn’t really believe that Ren would kill him, he’d even begun to believe that Ren would disobey the Supreme Leader if he was ordered to, but his fear took over him every time.

 

Choking back his sobbing, trying to not wail like his body was trying to, he crawled into his bed and curled himself into a ball. He was so sure this time he’d done it. This time he’d ruined everything. The only thing he was surer of than his destiny to be emperor was his destiny to stay beside Ren. But this was it, this time Ren would leave and never come to Hux again. He’d die alone, a husk of himself, having lost the only person that had ever cared about him beyond his position.

 

He pulled a pillow from the side of the bed Ren slept on and buried his face in it, breathing in the scent of shampoo and sweat and sex. He sobbed in earnest now, biting on the pillow to muffle his wailing. He clenched his eyes closed and chanted in his head the words he could never say out loud. The words he could never force out when he was conscious or facing the person who deserved them most. _I need you. You’re beautiful. I love you. Please don’t leave me._ It came over and over, almost in rhythm, a mantra that he clung to every time he got like this.

 

* * *

 

 

Ren never did read Hux’s mind. When they’d first started all of this they agreed that Ren would never enter Hux’s mind without his knowledge or consent, but the force bond they had forged allowed heightened feelings to leak through. Ren could feel Hux sobbing, his teeth in the pillow, grasping to the last thing he thought he had of Ren. And he could hear it, like a whisper on the wind.   _I need you. You’re beautiful. I love you. Please don’t leave me._ It wrenched Ren’s heart to feel the bone deep despair Hux was suffering.

 

He longed to hear Hux say those words out loud, but this was enough for now. One day the war would be over, Hux would be emperor, and Ren would be his knight. Maybe when Hux didn’t have the constant specter of death hovering over his shoulder he’d be able to muster up the courage to say those words out loud, even when he didn’t need to. Even if Hux never did, Ren would stay. Ren would never leave Hux’s side for anything short of his own demise.

 

Ren sat and listened to the chanting slow and feel Hux calming through the bond. Hux was finally falling asleep. Ren stood and removed his cloak and tunic, stepping as far away from the glass as he could as he slipped his boots off. When he was down to his black shorts he slipped into the room. Hux was facing away from him, breathing slowly, just on the edge of sleep. Ren climbed under the covers behind Hux, and snaked his arm around his middle, pulling Hux against his chest.

 

Hux shifted and said nothing, pushing himself back against Ren and fell into a dreamless sleep.

 


End file.
